Side Hustle Pt 2 -Whodunit
If you think back to last week’s post, you’ll recall that I promised to give you a foolproof formula for writing a hugely successful best selling mystery novel that is sure to net you some serious pocket money. Each of these tips is an absolute necessity, so let’s get started.
First and foremost is the creation of a highly realistic protagonist ready, willing, and able to get to the bottom of whatever baffling situation you have concocted. You may choose to add a spouse to the picture, but I wouldn’t advise it. If you go that route, this person must be an understanding and supportive dream spouse who can be counted on to assist, come what may, any time of the day or night. Much better, however, to have a protagonist who is single and extraordinarily attractive, preferably a 9 or a 10, certainly no lower than an 8. This is of critical importance because your protagonist will at some point encounter an incredibly hot man or woman with whom he or she will eventually hook up. That’s an integral part of your story. Your protagonist must also adhere to a certain lifestyle. This includes a 5 mile run each morning before work, coffee at every opportunity, hot showers throughout the day, wine at night if a woman, and beer if a man. Additionally, it is essential that he or she possess the ability to routinely go 48 hours with no sleep. This will be an issue time and time again.
With me so far? Good because there are more bases to cover. To move the action along, the protagonist must never be bogged down with mundane things like shopping – too many far more important things to take care of. This character must also have no living parents. They clutter up the plot, and if he or she has a child, be sure to include a kindly neighbor who is only too willing to babysit at any time, even in the middle of the night. In addition, there must be a cabin in some remote location that will be used for either legitimate or nefarious purposes. You decide. You’ll need to weave this into the plot because sooner or later someone will need to hide there. Oh, and try not to kill off too many good guys. It gets depressing.
Lastly, the protagonist has got to be just a little bit smarter than everyone else and thus able to solve that thorny problem you introduced at the beginning of the book. He or she is not a rule follower and takes many foolish chances, but is somehow ultimately able to bring about a satisfying resolution to the problem that has everyone else stumped.
In the end, all will be right with the world, and that’s how it’s got to work. If you follow these instructions, you’ll have your book, and even if it sounds a bit far-fetched, it won’t matter. The public will eat it up.